“My body is my journal, and my tattoos are my story.” ― Johnny Depp

“I know a woman who gets tattoos all the time. She acquires new tattoos the way I might buy a new pair of earrings. She wakes up in the morning and announces, "I think I'll go get a new tattoo today." If you ask her what kind of tattoo she's planning on getting, she'll say casually, "I dunno….I'll figure it out when I get to the tattoo shop. Or I'll just let the artist surprise me."
Now, this woman is not a teenager. She's a grown woman with adult children, and she runs a successful business. She's also really cool, uniquely beautiful, and one of the freest spirits I've ever met.
When I asked her how she could mark up her body so casually and so permanently, she said, "Oh, but you misunderstand: It's not permanent! It's temporary."
Confused, I asked, "You mean, all your tattoos are temporary?"
She smiled like a sexy rock 'n roll Buddha and said, "No, honey. My tattoos are permanent — it's my BODY that's temporary. And so is yours. We're here on earth for a very short while. I just want to decorate my temporary self as playfully and beautifully as I can, while I still have time."
I love this so much, I can't even tell you.
I myself am not covered with tattoos. (Although I do have two of them. Before I went traveling for Eat, Pray, Love, I had two words written into my forearms in white ink: COURAGE and COMPASSION.) But I do want to live the most vividly decorated temporary life I can. I don't just mean physically. I mean emotionally, spiritual, intellectually. I don't want to be afraid of bright colors, or big love, or major decisions, or new experiences, or risky creative endeavors, or sudden changes, or even great failure.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

My first tattoo was 2 years ago, so I was 35 and it is in honor of my best friend Steff. I now have most of my back covered in tattoos, my tattoos that are my story.

Just days before Steff passed away, she sent me a message of the image here.  It was from an instagram account owned https://trustyourjourney.com/

Their logo is a heart with the fibonacci circle (or golden mean) inside the heart. The Fibonacci circle is based on a whole number equivalent of the arithmetically impossible Golden Mean spiral, which has no start or finish, while the the Fibonacci spiral has an obvious beginning.  I didn't take note of the logo until Midwest Transplant's social worker gave us bracelets for organ donation.  https://www.mwtn.org/   And on the bracelets I saw the fibonacci circle again.  My last message from Steff holds the same circle as the Donate Life logo. Steff's donation of her organs was a gift from a wonderful beginning full of love and to which there is no end! I have worn two to the donate life bracelets every day since the social worker gave them to us.  They are two different shades of green so I have one of each.  

The fibonacci circle grew great meaning to me and to many others as it has continued to show up in meaningful ways. So for my first tattoo myself and two more of Steff's friends got the fibonacci circle tattoo. I had it done in between my shoulders on my back because Steff and I both love the way a females back muscles look and I knew this was the beginning of a journey. 

In the last year I have added many more tattoos as my story has been added to as well.  My first addition was when my ex-husband and I separated.  I added lilly of the valley flower around my circle with a sprig of lavender (Steff and I's favorite scent) and a butterfly coming into land on the flower.  Lilly of the valley is my birth month flower and means "the return of happiness".  As a child my siblings ate the little white flowers, which are poisonous, and had to have their stomachs pumped.  My poor mother has 5 very active strong willed children.  This addition was for my return to a happiness from my childhood and the butterfly is Steff looking over me.  She loves butterflies. 

When my divorce was finalized and I returned to using my maiden name of Peace I added the Peace Sign with the man on the moon.  Obviously this was for  a new beginning as well and my name.  The man on the moon is who I often talk to and ask him  to look over me. I follow the moon cycles and believe they have significant power as well.   

And my most recent addition is the Phoenix and three stars around the moon. 

The last two years have been full of many transitions for myself.  The loss of my best friend and my divorce have tested my strength.  I have had days that I felt stuck in the ashes of sadness and lost wandering in hopelessness.   I am fortunate to be surrounded by amazing family and friends.  

At the top of that list are my 3 girls, my 3 stars that I love to the moon and (my) BACK!

Of my own will, within my own flames, from the ashes, STILL I RISE! Trust your Journey and write your own story! My story continues in a week...any guesses on what ink comes next?

Love Trumps everything.

It's Inauguration Day and social media is full of negative posts about how awful Obama was as our president and how awful Trump will be. As for me, I'm going to choose to look for the good in both the past and the future of our country. I love politics and I love a good political discussion, so you won't find the tag on this post to say "please keep your comments to yourself". Please send me your comments, your thoughts on this transition, I really do love hearing how other people view of politics.

I scrolled back through my blog and journal this morning reflecting on some big times when political action has really set my spirit on fire.

Here is an email I sent to a few of my political driven, Hilary supporting, "or anyone but Trump", friends the day after the election:
Today I sat in sadness for a second in sleepy haze of the wind taken from my long awaited victory. I recalled the marches in that second that I stood hand in hand with my mother, my grandmother, my sisters, my friends. and my daughters. I paused at my memory of my sisters swollen belly with her first pregnancy and my grandmother being driven by my dad around the square so she could be there. I gasp for a breathe as I recall a text from Steff who I supported me in so many ways giving me praise for the protest. I recall me charging through news anchors to confront Gov. Brownback at a public event for taking away our access to safe birth control via our local county commissioners...oh and the face of my very passive brother in law holding a video camera as I made him promise to write policy with me to fix it. And that man that I was so angry with hugged me and it was genuine and he called me the next day and he connected me....and damn it he did a lot of damage in Kansas as he moved forward. Because of that hug I've never forgotten that he too is a human and while we disagree I love him anyway. I love him enough that I never back down to him. It's my job to rise up. It's my job to rise up along side other "nasty" women and men that choose love in such a powerful way that we carry this country and the universe to love. After the second passed where I saw a divided county I found fear of war on American soil, a crash to the global economy and then I rolled over and there I found me. Me the mover and the shaker that has rose up through personal heartbreak and me that has sat on endless protest and me that has pumped my fist as I spoke a rallies for free choice.....I found me. The change. Thank you Hilary for fighting like a girl.....I'll keep fighting too.

Last year as the Kansas budget was released the program that I very passionately work for was proposed to have a big change and the possibility of eliminating the program all together was very real. At that time I was still very foggy in grief with the loss of my best friend and had just started back to work. I received a phone call from co-worker calling me out to wake up a few days after the budget was released. She said, "Callie, I need you to get to Topeka today, if all you do is just get there and sit with me, I need you there." It really was all I could do to get dressed and drive to Topeka, the thought of it exhausted me, the action of it...woke me up. We had quite a year with our program and we have made some major changes that we are still advocating against. The co-worker that woke me up, sat with me, wrote with me, had all night phone calls with me through the entire session, and she hugged me everyday and thanked me for my work. When we closed our fiscal year this summer, I transitioned my role with our state association and gave my first Executive Director report. Somehow through what has been the toughest part of my journey, this co-worker found me. I am unconventional and the President of our board can tell you I drive her a little batty with my big ideas and lack of concrete thinking; my ED report was unconventional as well. I did write out the "required" details for the board, but this morning I found my journal notes of what I said.

Thank you, Nancy for all you have done for Kansas Kids and families and thank you for all you have done for me. You were my trainer when I started as a Parent Educator and you were the recruiter when you discovered my love for politics. But more than that, you have always believed in me and you have always expected greatness from me. You never expected super-human acts, but you never let me sink or settle. I will forever be grateful for the push you have given me and the phone call you gave me just asking me to show up...you found my fire again and I love you.

If you look at the last row of this picture you'll see two people hugging, rather than posing....that's Nancy and I

I have friends that are celebrating today for our presidential transition and friends that are protesting....I'm grateful to have both. And I'm grateful to live in a country that provides those freedoms. As our country makes a transition today, my hope is that you all will look for the good that has established this country and the good that is yet to be. I hope you find someone that sees things from a different angle that sets your spirit on fire and shows you the good!

Daily habits: Write it down, run it out. Encourage one another!

Write it down, run it out. Encourage one another!

Most evenings I sit in bed with my lap top or when the words really fly I sit with a pen and paper.  I write it all out.  I write my emotions and my plans, often my shopping list, on good nights my dreams, my regrets (ugg yes those are the fun nights), my memories and my favorite is to make my list of people and things I love.  I write letters to my friends and to my family that I will never send and some that I do share. Some that I send later in a text message or read the bullet points off in a phone call, and some that I hand deliver with a drawing or a doodle on the envelope to cover up the stain from my tea or wine I spilled while writing. Sometimes they get delivered wound up like a rung out towel, because I slept with it in my hand. I write letters to my best friend, Steff, that I lost last year and in moments alone in our favorite spot I sink them in the water a place where we hold so many memories. In the evening my emotions are raw as my mind is tired and cannot filter or logic them away. I let them run across the paper rather than across my day.  Writing them out makes them real and makes me acknowledge I am real.

Each morning I promise myself that I will "run it out".  I promise myself that I will take care of myself so that I can take care of others.  Running has always brought me a high and comfort that brings clarity to the chaos of my brain. Running has never failed to give me great end results, and that's why I keep coming back for more! I bargain with myself against my weaknesses that I must care for myself before I cave, before I let my chaotic thoughts rule my day.  I tell myself that I cannot have coffee until I have a solid plan for exercise.  And I love coffee! I don't allow bargains the other way, if I start to feel the plan isn't solid for exercising later I do a body weights workout immediately. It's my commitment to me. The day of the photo to the left I ran my "adult life" PR 10k.  The run started with text from a friend finding me in sadness; she stated, "Get to the gym and run!", she knows running is my sanity.  I ran hard with lots of tears as my emotions were high and when I saw the clock on my treadmill, I settled and felt pride had blanketed my sadness.  It can't take the sadness away, but running helps me for sure.

I run out in my workouts all that I write out the night before.  Sometimes I carry the writing with me and read it back to myself or share it with others; sometimes that happens mid-workout.  Sometimes I run around the lake and meet my memories with Steff and I sit with her memory and the words she encouraged me with and made me believe in me with.  I have surrounded myself with people that love me and encourage me in this, motivate me and hold the standards high so I know I have to work to reach them.  My list is long of things I used to share with Steff.  Writing, running and encouraging are three that we loved to share together. 

Steff and I after finishing our first Triathlon

Encouraging one another was our daily habit to each other and the main reason why I am writing this blog post.  I hope by sharing my habits I can share encouragement for others to do the same. Yesterday I had a conversation about a young man asking questions about someone's well being.  The young man pointed out some reasons why he was concerned and just let the adult know that he noticed and was worried.  I am sure the adult was maybe a little embarrassed the kid had noticed reasons for concern, but I think more so the adult was grateful that someone cared and more than that grateful that someone cared enough to ask.  I could say the kid was brave to ask, but I don't think the kid felt brave, he just cared so much he had to ask.  He cared enough that he had to offer encouragement and understanding, because the risk of not asking could have left the adult alone in his troubles.

In the timeline of Steff and I's friendship I missed talking to her only a couple of days while she was traveling.  She checked in on me everyday outside those couple days and she built me up and I returned the love right back to her.  We always ended long chats with letting one another know we loved each other and after we hung up the phone or arrived at home we secured our encouragement with a text message reminder and wrap up of encouragement. (Write it out) She encouraged me to be me and made me secure in my belief that love always wins, showing up for everyone with love is always the right choice. Even when it's uncomfortable, love always wins.

Finish line of Steff Strong Race

Steff was my faithful encouragement and she loved running and she loved running with me.  I know she loved running with me because she told me every time we ran together :) (Encourage one another) She was always seeking greatness in herself and in others.  She has many medals from her achievements in running events, however, she really wanted to conquer the 10K distance.  I have always been in love with the half marathon distance and I tried to push her into that love with me and she did achieve that feat twice and she was so proud.  For some reason there are not a lot of 10K races in our area and she really wanted to check this box off her race list, so she said she was going to create her own.  Steff wasn't here with us, but she did create her own.  We have the Steff Strong 10k/5k and kids run established as an annual event in Steff's honor.  In it's first year the event did the all three topics of this post by the 100's.  People that had never ran were encouraged to get up and do a 5k and many that had never thought of doing a 10k achieved it! People literally from around the United States ran it out in her honor in her hometown!  Then finally social media exploded with posts of encouragement, success, pride as people wrote it down! 

Hope to see you all next year at the Steff Strong event. Save the date: September 9, 2017....write it down and encourage your friends to run it out! ;)

Start with one you've already done.

Yesterday morning I sat in a coffee shop against many challenges in the face and love of a friend that gave me time she didn't have in a space that means so much to her.  She challenged me to start this again. To share my words in this blog and to open myself up to the world again because it's been waiting.  The challenge was in steps.  Step one, share one you have already written.  So here is step one and my restart at this blog. (an edited version of an email I sent last yr)

So it's Holiday time again and I'm thinking back to last year when I was surprised with a gift from my friend Laurie that made me squeal with joy and excitement and reminded my of my journey as a mother and as a friend. She bought us tickets to the Dixie Chicks! I love them full circle love them!, so here is my Dixie Chicks tale. I was a very young mom to Miss Emily in 2000 and spent many days wishing and praying that my life and her's wouldn't be a mess forever. Around that time the Dixie Chicks Fly album was still pretty hot and they were getting ready to release a new album (Wide Open Spaces) around the time Em was born. I couldn't afford baby food, but I had that mail delivery service for CD's...I can't remember what that was called! LOL I was so young and so scared. So about the time I settled in my Manhattan, KS apartment I got their new CD and I listened to it on repeat until I knew every word while I held Emily non-stop and cried because I had no idea what I was doing. As I nursed and rocked my new baby this song became my "fight song"

Times are hard and rents are high
What can a working girl do
But struggle through another day
Then I'll take care of you
Nights are long and dreams are cold
If they're all you wake up to
But should you rise with crying eyes
Then I'll take care of you
So let them talk about us
Let them call us funny things
People sometimes do
I don't care as long
As you know I love you
Oh, and you know I do
I'll be there, but you might not see me
It's never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
Then I'll take care of you
So let them talk about us
Let them call us funny things
People sometimes do
I don't care as long
As you know I love you
Oh, and you know I do
I'll be there, but you might not see me
It's never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
I'll take care of you
Darling, I'll take care of you
I listened to the song again to tonight with my 15 year old daughter and understood my "fight song" hasn't changed. (since editing this, she is 16 now) My "darlings" have grown in population, but my anthem still rings through. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant with Emily that I would fail her and I think I started pushing myself even harder to make sure I would give her a good life. (I was a 4.0 KSU student on the Deans list kinda kid so "trying harder" was insane") But I felt like I had hit the bottom. People were talking about me; nasty mean things and I felt ashamed on one side and defensive on the other. Let them talk about us....let them call us funny things. I don't care as long as you know I love you.
In the song it says, "I'll be there, but you might not see me"..... I do not know of an afterlife absolute, but I know of a love I feel so strong that will be with me always, one that is beyond this lifetime. I have been blessed with challenges and a journey that opened my heart to receive love and motivation from friends and family that push me to rise up.
A few months ago, I stood again in Laurie's kitchen (where she gave me the Dixie Chicks tickets) and I received a message from a friend watching the CMA's guiding me to turn it on quickly! Beyonce and the Dixie Chicks were performing together! He knew I was going to be pumped to see this combo for sure and maybe he knew I would be taken over with timing and the song they sang. I missed it live, but played it at my desk the next day with a friend that equally loved the combo and another friend I got to share the journey with. Check out the awesomeness here: https://youtu.be/60aCpaG2S6E

Text message this summer to my Dad for Father's Day

From that awards show:
He told me not to cry. Oh, my daddy said shoot"
When I thought my world was crashing down, every time, I thought that it was....
As a dramatic teen...he taught me to fight back rather than sink,
As a scared soon to be mother...I crawled on his lap and he promised to help me,
When I was in labor...he begged the nurses to make me not hurt and whispered to me that I could do this,
When money was tight and rents were high...he supported me and taught me to budget,
When I ran my first marathon, and my second and so on....he chased me, encouraged me and expected my success.
When parenting was (is) hard...he reminded(s) me that it could be done, cause he and my mom did it, (I hope he edits this sentence for me:)
When I was so depressed after childbirth...I crawled in his lap with my babies most nights and he just held me and promised me I would find myself again,
As I have been lost in grief this last year...he reminds me to keep on and picks up where I lack. My dad, he told me not to cry! He told me to give it to him and for me to take care of me. He raised me with a fight in my belly, a heart to serve and an appreciation for music that heals and rocks your soul! My Daddy said Shoot! Dixie Chicks music has been woven in my journey. Music has always been woven in my soul. Thank you to my friends and family on this journey and a shout of to my friend in the coffee shop that challenged me to write again and to share again.

To see the world is to see it through my daughter's eyes.

My path recently led me to Europe with my oldest daughter where we spent 10 days traveling Czech Republic, Poland, and Germany.  We traveled with youth from our region to a attend a YMCA international festival.  This blog post will be full of photos, as I have not come up with all the words to describe how amazing our trip was.  I am continuing to replay our stories and our time in my head.  I am forever grateful for the opportunity to attend this trip and watch not only my daughter, but other youth as well develop right before my eyes.  We took a group of mid western small town kids and watched them discover the world.  This was the first time for many of us to travel outside the United States, and for some in our larger group it was their first time to travel at all.

We set off on our journey on August 1st and flew over the ocean.  We arrived in Prague, Czech Republic on August 2nd mid-day.  (7 hour time change difference)

At the top of Emily's wish list of sites to see was the Petrin Tower.  We hopped off the plane and headed that way.  Once we got to the top of the tower her wish list shifted as she remembered her fear of heights.
Emily had researched quite a bit about Prague and it was fun to watch her discover sites as we came to them.  She held a lot of information about the sites  and it was nice to have a little tour guide with us to explain the sites.  And when we got turned around and lost on our way, Jessica Schasteen could get us going back the way we wanted to go.

We traveled to the Prague Castle next and we were lucky enough to arrive as they were doing a changing of the guard.  

 Seeing the love lock bridge was another one of Emily's wishes.  We attached locks with everyone we traveled with and threw the key into the river.

 The Charles Bridge was full of vendors and performers and great sculptures.  Below is a picture of Emily rubbing the copper piece for good luck.

 The John Lennon Wall was one of Emily's favorite site in Prague.  I was a little disappoint because the original art work has been covered up with graffiti. Emily thought is was neat that it was ever changing.

After we saw the sites in Prague, we enjoyed a day at the international YMCA youth festival. Emily was a "vlogger" and interviewed peers.  Our local youth did team building activities with different groups as we walked through the festival.  We all enjoyed the t-shirt exchange with different countries YMCAs.  

Our next adventure was to Poland.  We had hopes to get there because Jessica's family is from Poland and Christopher's mother was born in Poland.  We took a train to Cesky Tesin in the Czech Republic and walked across to border to Poland.  We enjoyed an easy afternoon in the town square.

We set our on a big adventure next.  We traveled into Germany with our first stop being Dresden.  Dresden was destroyed in a 1945 at the end of the war.  In 1990 the city was rebuilt and by 2005 in was completely restored.  It is a beautiful city with a wonderful story of overcoming.  You can see in the photos the old stone mixed with the new.

From Dresden Emily and I took off in a foreign country on our own!  We took several trains and traveled to meet our German cousins!  They were very generous in hosting us and sharing our family history with us.  Emily spoke the universal language of music to them by sitting at the family farm and playing the piano.  It was a quick visit, but I feel very blessed that we were able to meet them.  My mom wrote to me during our journey saying, "you have spread your wings and found your roots"  We did get to have a facetime meet and greet with my mom and her cousins, however I am hopeful she will make the journey there someday as well.  

Emily and I met back up with our traveling crew in Berlin and had a quick tour of the city.  We were humbled by the city and the history.  

Our train ride back to Prague was one of our greatest adventures.  We missed our first train out and found ourselves in the midst of a very busy train station during European holiday.  We were lucky to find the last train out Berlin headed to Budapest would be stopping in Prague.  We didn't have the correct tickets and had to sweet talk the conductors into letting us stay on the train.  The kids were exposed to a lot of different cultures on this night train ride and were happy to be back in Prague.  Our final adventure in the Czech Republic was to a concentration camp outside of Prague. (Terezin)  Emily and I did not participate in the tour.  We sat in silence and respected the memory of those that went through the camp.  

As we traveled we looked for the Rotary sign.  

We left gifts from Kansas for them as well as our Paola Rotary and district flag.

I feel extremely blessed to have witnessed my daughters first big world adventure.  I enjoyed watching her (as well as the other youth) experience and learn that we have a great big world.  Each of them grew so much in their identity and self confidence.  I can't wait until we start our next adventure.

Because the photos speak better than my words: