11 year old wisdom

Imagine entering a room and someone saying "I'm leaving ------ I don't like you!" 


Imagine waking up in the morning and reading a text message that says "Sometimes you are such a b**ch"

This has been Emily's week!  Yep, my 11 year old is having to figure out how to deal with these horrible words.  

Big deal right? What else does she have to do?  She has to read the pledge of allegiance and morning announcements, complete her school work quickly and correctly so she can leave school early, swim in a competitive swim meet against high school age swimmers.  And she must do it all with ease and be an example to others.  She was chosen to speak this morning for Veterans day because she is a great public speaker.  She is asked in the classroom to assist other students with understanding because she is a great teacher.  She is swimming the 500m race tonight to win a bet to challenge a high school mentor of her to push her self to run her first 5K.  She has the weight of so many on her shoulders.

There was a moment, a brief moment, I found her curled in her chair this morning looking at the text message.............crushed.  She was pale and silent, but with tears in her eyes.  When she saw me, she shifted, she said, "Its no big deal................this girl is just mean".  As I sat with her I was full of mother's anger and my protective instinct kicked in.  I wanted to call the mother of this young girl and call her out for allowing her daughter to be so horrible.  I wanted to follow Emily into school, meet her for lunch, let her stay home, anything to keep her from experiencing this again.  I wanted her to be free of any stress she was feeling with her daily tasks.  This is where we started, I started talking about what she was setting out to do today.  As she talked, I noticed the quote on her wall............"Be the change you want to see in the world" ~ Gandhi 

That is where Emily set her goal for the day.  She explained that she knew she had made some mistakes with this girl by being angry with her.  Her goal for today was to be the positive example this girl needs.  She explained that she was not going to seek her out, but that she believes if she positive enough and caring enough the girl will follow her example.  So yes, this write up is completely and totally about bragging on my 11 year old daughter.  She is wise beyond her years. She in her 11 year old language shared with me the wisdom of Marianne Williamson," And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"  

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

And because she is 11 and real she has another goal today......................"Rock the blocks at my swim meet so her high school mentor has to run a 5K with me!"

Her Last Halloween?

This past weekend our family hosted eight sixth grade girls for a fall themed slumber party. For you veteran parents, you may see the opening statement here doesn't jive. I shopped and planned with much excitement for fall treats and fall crafts to share with our guests. All the girls had a great time, but none of them wanted to do my crafts. They entertained one another with storytelling, dancing and singing. (I was impressed that is wasn't texting, emailing and facebooking)
Last night we joined some friends on our downtown square to participate in the community Halloween activities. Rudy and Clare were full of excitement and anticipation with every event. Emily kept her head low and arms crossed for most of the evening. She was surrounded with other kids her age in costumes and bags of candy, but she avoided conversation and repeatedly asked when we would be done. She was dressed in a princess costume. She looked very beautiful and grown up. As we walked the streets to trick or treat she stood with the grown-ups and only went to the doors if her sisters asked her to go with them. She turned in her candy to me with no hesitation with the statement of "I won't eat all this junk". (We have an agreement in our house where you can turn in your sugary treats for toys or books) We ate dinner at a local restaurant where Emily went to the bathroom and changed into regular clothes. I was unaware that she had packed an extra change of clothes!
As I told her good night and tucked her in to bed last night she said, "I think this was my last Halloween." I'm sure she noticed the tear roll down my cheek as I answered, "I know, I'm going to miss that".
While I am sad that my little girl is growing up I have taken comfort in some advice I recently read in the book Losers, Loners, and Rebels: The Spiritual Struggles of Boys.
Whenever we are failing or perceived as a failure in one area, we are most likely succeeding in another. For everything Emily is not, it leaves room for her to be something else. So while it is hard for me to let go of her childhood traditions, I know that we are making room for new and exciting things. As much as I have tried to hold onto all of her childhood, I cannot. But with this idea I can look ahead at how I can succeed with her tween years.