Thursday, December 22, 2016

Daily habits: Write it down, run it out. Encourage one another!

Write it down, run it out. Encourage one another!

Most evenings I sit in bed with my lap top or when the words really fly I sit with a pen and paper.  I write it all out.  I write my emotions and my plans, often my shopping list, on good nights my dreams, my regrets (ugg yes those are the fun nights), my memories and my favorite is to make my list of people and things I love.  I write letters to my friends and to my family that I will never send and some that I do share. Some that I send later in a text message or read the bullet points off in a phone call, and some that I hand deliver with a drawing or a doodle on the envelope to cover up the stain from my tea or wine I spilled while writing. Sometimes they get delivered wound up like a rung out towel, because I slept with it in my hand. I write letters to my best friend, Steff, that I lost last year and in moments alone in our favorite spot I sink them in the water a place where we hold so many memories. In the evening my emotions are raw as my mind is tired and cannot filter or logic them away. I let them run across the paper rather than across my day.  Writing them out makes them real and makes me acknowledge I am real.


Each morning I promise myself that I will "run it out".  I promise myself that I will take care of myself so that I can take care of others.  Running has always brought me a high and comfort that brings clarity to the chaos of my brain. Running has never failed to give me great end results, and that's why I keep coming back for more! I bargain with myself against my weaknesses that I must care for myself before I cave, before I let my chaotic thoughts rule my day.  I tell myself that I cannot have coffee until I have a solid plan for exercise.  And I love coffee! I don't allow bargains the other way, if I start to feel the plan isn't solid for exercising later I do a body weights workout immediately. It's my commitment to me. The day of the photo to the left I ran my "adult life" PR 10k.  The run started with text from a friend finding me in sadness; she stated, "Get to the gym and run!", she knows running is my sanity.  I ran hard with lots of tears as my emotions were high and when I saw the clock on my treadmill, I settled and felt pride had blanketed my sadness.  It can't take the sadness away, but running helps me for sure.

I run out in my workouts all that I write out the night before.  Sometimes I carry the writing with me and read it back to myself or share it with others; sometimes that happens mid-workout.  Sometimes I run around the lake and meet my memories with Steff and I sit with her memory and the words she encouraged me with and made me believe in me with.  I have surrounded myself with people that love me and encourage me in this, motivate me and hold the standards high so I know I have to work to reach them.  My list is long of things I used to share with Steff.  Writing, running and encouraging are three that we loved to share together. 


Steff and I after finishing our first Triathlon
Encouraging one another was our daily habit to each other and the main reason why I am writing this blog post.  I hope by sharing my habits I can share encouragement for others to do the same. Yesterday I had a conversation about a young man asking questions about someone's well being.  The young man pointed out some reasons why he was concerned and just let the adult know that he noticed and was worried.  I am sure the adult was maybe a little embarrassed the kid had noticed reasons for concern, but I think more so the adult was grateful that someone cared and more than that grateful that someone cared enough to ask.  I could say the kid was brave to ask, but I don't think the kid felt brave, he just cared so much he had to ask.  He cared enough that he had to offer encouragement and understanding, because the risk of not asking could have left the adult alone in his troubles.

In the timeline of Steff and I's friendship I missed talking to her only a couple of days while she was traveling.  She checked in on me everyday outside those couple days and she built me up and I returned the love right back to her.  We always ended long chats with letting one another know we loved each other and after we hung up the phone or arrived at home we secured our encouragement with a text message reminder and wrap up of encouragement. (Write it out) She encouraged me to be me and made me secure in my belief that love always wins, showing up for everyone with love is always the right choice. Even when it's uncomfortable, love always wins.

Finish line of Steff Strong Race
Steff was my faithful encouragement and she loved running and she loved running with me.  I know she loved running with me because she told me every time we ran together :) (Encourage one another) She was always seeking greatness in herself and in others.  She has many medals from her achievements in running events, however, she really wanted to conquer the 10K distance.  I have always been in love with the half marathon distance and I tried to push her into that love with me and she did achieve that feat twice and she was so proud.  For some reason there are not a lot of 10K races in our area and she really wanted to check this box off her race list, so she said she was going to create her own.  Steff wasn't here with us, but she did create her own.  We have the Steff Strong 10k/5k and kids run established as an annual event in Steff's honor.  In it's first year the event did the all three topics of this post by the 100's.  People that had never ran were encouraged to get up and do a 5k and many that had never thought of doing a 10k achieved it! People literally from around the United States ran it out in her honor in her hometown!  Then finally social media exploded with posts of encouragement, success, pride as people wrote it down! 

Hope to see you all next year at the Steff Strong event. Save the date: September 9, 2017....write it down and encourage your friends to run it out! ;)


Sunday, December 4, 2016

Start with one you've already done.

Yesterday morning I sat in a coffee shop against many challenges in the face and love of a friend that gave me time she didn't have in a space that means so much to her.  She challenged me to start this again. To share my words in this blog and to open myself up to the world again because it's been waiting.  The challenge was in steps.  Step one, share one you have already written.  So here is step one and my restart at this blog. (an edited version of an email I sent last yr)

So it's Holiday time again and I'm thinking back to last year when I was surprised with a gift from my friend Laurie that made me squeal with joy and excitement and reminded my of my journey as a mother and as a friend. She bought us tickets to the Dixie Chicks! I love them full circle love them!, so here is my Dixie Chicks tale. I was a very young mom to Miss Emily in 2000 and spent many days wishing and praying that my life and her's wouldn't be a mess forever. Around that time the Dixie Chicks Fly album was still pretty hot and they were getting ready to release a new album (Wide Open Spaces) around the time Em was born. I couldn't afford baby food, but I had that mail delivery service for CD's...I can't remember what that was called! LOL I was so young and so scared. So about the time I settled in my Manhattan, KS apartment I got their new CD and I listened to it on repeat until I knew every word while I held Emily non-stop and cried because I had no idea what I was doing. As I nursed and rocked my new baby this song became my "fight song"
Times are hard and rents are high
What can a working girl do
But struggle through another day
Then I'll take care of you
Nights are long and dreams are cold
If they're all you wake up to
But should you rise with crying eyes
Then I'll take care of you
So let them talk about us
Let them call us funny things
People sometimes do
I don't care as long
As you know I love you
Oh, and you know I do
I'll be there, but you might not see me
It's never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
Then I'll take care of you
So let them talk about us
Let them call us funny things
People sometimes do
I don't care as long
As you know I love you
Oh, and you know I do
I'll be there, but you might not see me
It's never easy to get through
But when the laughter dies away
I'll take care of you
Darling, I'll take care of you
I listened to the song again to tonight with my 15 year old daughter and understood my "fight song" hasn't changed. (since editing this, she is 16 now) My "darlings" have grown in population, but my anthem still rings through. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant with Emily that I would fail her and I think I started pushing myself even harder to make sure I would give her a good life. (I was a 4.0 KSU student on the Deans list kinda kid so "trying harder" was insane") But I felt like I had hit the bottom. People were talking about me; nasty mean things and I felt ashamed on one side and defensive on the other. Let them talk about us....let them call us funny things. I don't care as long as you know I love you.
In the song it says, "I'll be there, but you might not see me"..... I do not know of an afterlife absolute, but I know of a love I feel so strong that will be with me always, one that is beyond this lifetime. I have been blessed with challenges and a journey that opened my heart to receive love and motivation from friends and family that push me to rise up.
A few months ago, I stood again in Laurie's kitchen (where she gave me the Dixie Chicks tickets) and I received a message from a friend watching the CMA's guiding me to turn it on quickly! Beyonce and the Dixie Chicks were performing together! He knew I was going to be pumped to see this combo for sure and maybe he knew I would be taken over with timing and the song they sang. I missed it live, but played it at my desk the next day with a friend that equally loved the combo and another friend I got to share the journey with. Check out the awesomeness here: https://youtu.be/60aCpaG2S6E
Text message this summer to my Dad for Father's Day

From that awards show:
He told me not to cry. Oh, my daddy said shoot"
When I thought my world was crashing down, every time, I thought that it was....
As a dramatic teen...he taught me to fight back rather than sink,
As a scared soon to be mother...I crawled on his lap and he promised to help me,
When I was in labor...he begged the nurses to make me not hurt and whispered to me that I could do this,
When money was tight and rents were high...he supported me and taught me to budget,
When I ran my first marathon, and my second and so on....he chased me, encouraged me and expected my success.
When parenting was (is) hard...he reminded(s) me that it could be done, cause he and my mom did it, (I hope he edits this sentence for me:)
When I was so depressed after childbirth...I crawled in his lap with my babies most nights and he just held me and promised me I would find myself again,
As I have been lost in grief this last year...he reminds me to keep on and picks up where I lack. My dad, he told me not to cry! He told me to give it to him and for me to take care of me. He raised me with a fight in my belly, a heart to serve and an appreciation for music that heals and rocks your soul! My Daddy said Shoot! Dixie Chicks music has been woven in my journey. Music has always been woven in my soul. Thank you to my friends and family on this journey and a shout of to my friend in the coffee shop that challenged me to write again and to share again.